These are the six life principles for more self-confidence

Happinez Magazine

The American psychologist Nathaniel Branden started researching self-confidence thirty years ago. In his book “Six pillars of self-esteem”, Branden formulates six life principles for increased self-confidence: living consciously, self-acceptance, responsibility, assertiveness, purposeful living and integrity. It’s like going to the gym to integrate them into your life: the beginning is the hardest.

All six pillars are both cause and effect of self-confidence, a chicken and egg story. For example: by being more assertive you get more self-confidence, but being assertive is of course more successful if you already have more self-confidence. And just like training your body, it is training this “spiritual equivalent of a muscle.” Muscles can become stronger, but they can also relax. You will have to take a step every day. Self-esteem is a lifelong DIY project.

1. Consciously living

Live as awake and mindful as possible. If you’re living in a spiritual fog (I know I’m not doing the right job, but I’d rather not think about it. I know I should give my kids more attention, but it will come at some point) your self-esteem has to suffer.

Living consciously means living actively instead of being mechanically carried away and willing to receive feedback and correct mistakes. Interested in exploring your inner world and not being a stranger to yourself. Seeing life as a growth process, being receptive to new knowledge and willing to reassess old assumptions.

2. Self-acceptance

Be willing to accept that you think what you think, feel what you feel, and wish for what you wish. Refuse to consider any part of yourself (whether it be your body, your emotions, your thoughts, your dreams, or past actions) as “not yours.” Accepting is different from loving everything. It doesn’t mean you wouldn’t want changes or improvements.

When you fully experience and accept negative feelings, they have had their say and, in most cases, disappear from the stage. Don’t deny your powers either; the fear of our talents is often greater than of our shortcomings. So don’t make yourself bigger, but certainly not smaller than you are.

3. Responsibility

Recognize that you are the director of your own emotions, choices and actions. Stop thinking that someone or something is coming to “save” you. You are responsible for how you organize your time, for your behavior towards others, even for improving your self-image.

Of course you are often limited by the possibilities that are available at a certain time in a certain place. But in any context you can ask yourself, what can I do? How can I improve my condition? How can I best use my energy in this situation? Some things you can control, others you cannot. Responsible living mainly has to do with learning to distinguish between what is “yours” and what is not.

4. Assertiveness

Live an authentic life; think, speak and act from your inner beliefs and feelings as much as possible. That does not mean that you only support your own interests and are blind to those of others. You are willing to stand up for yourself, be open about who you are, and treat yourself with respect in your encounters with others.

Being assertive in a good way starts with the belief that your ideas and wishes matter. Therefore, be clear in what you stand for. That can be something different in every context: telling someone that you don’t like their behavior, but also: recommending a book, asking a question honestly if you don’t know something, or not laughing if you don’t find something funny.

In practice we are more honest in some areas than others. Wonder at what moments you regularly lose sight of your own values.

Happinez Magazine

 

Dit zijn de zes levensprincipes voor meer zelfvertrouw

Happinez Magazine

    Zelfvertrouwen geeft je een stevige basis in het leven, maar er zijn maar weinig mensen die het hebben. Wat kun je eraan doen om met meer vertrouwen in het leven te staan?

About the Contributor

Francis van Schaik

Mrs Francis van Schaik is a coach of children and also a student of human relationships with nature, the world and Reality. She is a regular contributor to our online magazine. Francis is the contributing editor of this page.

Francis van Schaik is een coach van jongeren en ook een student van menselijke relaties met de natuur, de wereld en de Waarheid. Ze levert regelmatig bijdragen aan ons online magazine. Francis is de bijdragende redacteur van deze pagina.