RAMAKRISHNA WAS COMMITTED TO ME
In early 1884 Naren’s father died of a heart attack; he had been ill for some time. When the time came to look into Visvanath’s financial affairs, it was discovered that he had spent more than he earned and left nothing but debt. Some family members even tried to get hold of part of the house through a lawsuit. They lost the lawsuit, but Naren still had to deal with his obligations, as an eldest relative, to support his mother and brothers. He had never known any kind of adversity. He tells of his struggle he had to fight:
Even before the prescribed mourning period was over, he ran from hot to her. Looking for a job. Lacking food, he went from office to office, barefoot, in the blazing sun, carrying his job applications. I was refused everywhere. From that first experience I learned that unselfish kindness is rare in this world; there is no place for the poor and the weak. Even those who, a few weeks ago, would have seen it as a happy moment, if they could do me a favour, now made unwilling faces, though they could easily have helped me if they had wanted to.
One day, at that time, when I was walking around in the sun, I got blisters on the soles of my feet. I was. exhausted and had to sit in the shadow of the Ochterloney Monument on the Maidan. A friend who happened to be with me wanted to comfort me, so he sang: Here blows the wind, the breath of Brahman—-
It’s his grace we feel—
But when I heard that song, it was as if he violently hit me on the head. Thinking of the helplessness of my mother and my brothers, I was filled with resistance and despair. Be quiet ! I told him. ” ” That fanciful nonsense. That’s good for people who live in the lap of luxury. People who have no idea what hunger is; people whose loved ones do not walk in rags and are starving. It. no doubt sounds beautiful and true to them, as it once did to me, in the days of yore. But now I’ve seen what life really is like. That song is just one. pack of lies, I dare say my friend was very hurt by my words. How. he could understand that it was the harrowing poverty that she had made me speak out.
Some mornings, when I got up, when I woke up, I didn’t notice it. enough food for everyone, dua I said to my mother, “A friend invited me for lunch.” On such days I had nothing to eat, because I had no money in my wallet. I was too proud to say anything about this outside of my family. Sometimes rich men invited me to their houses to sing and play at their feasts, and I went, set as I did before. Most of them never wondered how. I forgot. Some asked me, “Why do you look white and sad today?” But only one of them discovered–and it wasn’t because of me, how things really were. He secretly sent money to my mother from time to time.. I am under an eternal debt to him. Despite all these trials, I lost faith in the existence of God, neither did I doubt that “God is good.” I awoke in the early morning, the name of God. in remembrance, and left my bed with His name on my lips. As usual I got out of bed and cried out to God, until one day my mother heard my words from the adjoining room and said bitterly: Stop, boy. You’ve been repeating the Lord’s name constantly since. your childhood, and what has he done for you? The words hurt me terribly . In a nutshell, I thought, “Does God really exist? If so, does he hear the lamenting prayer of men? Why then does my many prayers not answer him? Whence is so much evil in the creation of a good-natured Creator Why is there so much calamity in the kingdom of one who is total Bliss My heart felt pierced by a sense of wounded love and doubt of the existence of God that overcame me It was against my nature to do anything and for to hide from others Even as a child, I was unable to hide my smallest thought or deed, neither from fear nor from any other motive. It was not surprising that I now began to aggressively tell people that God does not exist; and that even if he existed, there would be no point in calling on him because it led to no results.Of course the rumor spread that I had become an atheist and besides that I surrounded myself with people and bad character and of a dubious reputation frequented their houses. Such news travels fast. it didn’t take long for these words to me, in a full His distorted version, reached the ears of the Master, not to mention those of his devotees in Calcutta. Some came to see me to find out the truth, and they made it clear that they believed at least part of what they had heard, if not all. I felt bitterly wounded to realize that they thought so little of me. I told them it was cowardice to believe in God just out of fear of the. hell. Citing Hume, Mill, Bain, Comte, and other Western philosophers, I vehemently argued that there is no proof of the existence of God. And so they went away, more convinced than ever, as I later learned, of my doom. In my defensive mood, that actually made me happy at the time. Then the thought occurred to me that perhaps the Master now believed in the same thing. As soon as I thought that, I felt a terrible pain. But I said to myself, let him believe it. If he believes that, I can’t help it. People’s good or bad opinions are worth nothing anyway. Later I discovered that the Master had heard all those lies about me. At first he made no comment. Then, when one of the devotees wept and said, “Sir, we could never have dreamed that Naren would sink so low! The Master exclaimed excitedly, “Silence, you scoundrels! Mother told me he could never do such things. If you talk one more about it, I don’t want to see you in this room again! I now became absolutely indifferent to the praise or reproach from the world. I was firmly convinced that. I was not born to earn money, support a family, or seek worldly pleasures. In secret I prepared to renounce the world, as my grandfather had done. The day came when I had decided to begin the life of a wandering monk—-and then I heard that the Master was coming that very day to a devotee’s house in Calcutta. I thought this was very lucky; i should see my guru before i left home forever. But as soon as I met the Master, he imperiously said, “You must come with me to Dakshineswar today.” I offered several apologies, but he did not accept no for an answer. I had to ride back with him. We didn’t talk much in the carriage. When we got to Dakshineswar I sat in his room for a while. Others were present. Then the Master went into an ecstatic state. He came suddenly closer, took my hand in his and sang as tears streamed down his cheeks. We are afraid to speak, and we are also afraid to remain silent; Our minds, O Radha, half believed that we were about to lose you! All this time I had suppressed the strong emotions I was feeling now. Now I couldn’t stand that any longer and my tears flowed like his. I was sure the Master knew all about my plans. The others were stunned to see us behave like this. After the Master returned to normal consciousness, one of them asked what was wrong with the. hand wash. He smiled and replied, “It’s only between the two of us. That night he sent the others away and called me to him and said, “I know you came into the world to do Mother’s work; you can never live a worldly life. But, in my favor stay with your family as long as I live.” I asked if I could leave, and returned home the next day. And. immediately hundreds of thoughts about the family occupied my mind. I now went from place to place, as before, and made different kinds of efforts. I worked in a lawyer’s office and translated a few books, as a result, I made a little money and managed the household in some way. But these were all temporary jobs and in the absence of any steady work, no flexible arrangements could be made for my mother and my brothers. Some time later I remembered: God fulfills the Master’s prayers. I will make him pray for me, so that the sufferings of my mother and brother can be taken away for lack of food and clothing.He will never refuse to do this for me.I hastened to Dakshineswar and asked him constantly to pray to Mother that the I would take away all my mother and brothers’ hardships. The Master lovingly said to me: “My child, I cannot say such words, you know. Why do you not pray yourself? You do not accept Mother. That is why you suffer so much. I replied: “I have no knowledge of Mother. Please ! pray to Mother yourself for my sake. you. must pray I won’t leave you until you do. The Master said lovingly, “I did pray to Mother many times to remove your suffering. But if your Mother does not accept, she does not answer the prayer. Well, today is Tuesday. , a day that is special and sacred to Mother. Mother will, I say, give you everything you ask for. Go to the temple tonight, bow deeply to Her and pray for a blessing. My loving Mother is the Power of Brahman. She is pure Consciousness embodied. She has given birth to the universe through her will. What couldn’t she do if she wanted to? I gained a firm confidence that all suffering would end as soon as I prayed to the Mother, as the Master had foretold. I waited expectantly for the night. Finally it was night. Three hours of the night had passed when the Master asked me to go to the temple. When I went I was staggering. A strong conviction gripped me that I would really see Mother and hear her words. I forgot everything and was completely absorbed in the thought alone. When I entered the temple I saw that Mother was pure consciousness and truly of infinite love and consciousness. My heart swelled with loving devotion and bliss. Outside of myself, in prayer, I made repeated devotions to her incessantly praying: “Mother, grant me discrimination, grant me detachment, grant me divine knowledge and devotion. Command that I may always have an unobstructed view. My heart overflowed with peace. The whole universe disappeared completely and only Mother continued to fill my heart Scarcely had I returned to the Master when he asked: “Have you prayed to the Mother for the removal of your worldly needs? “Shocked by his question, I said, “No, sir, I forgot to do that. So what shall I do now? He said: Go again quickly and pray to her. I went to the temple one more time, and coming into Mother’s presence I was again intoxicated. I forgot everything, bowed repeatedly before her and prayed for divine knowledge and devotion before returning The Master smiled and said, “And, did you tell her this time? I was startled again and said: “No, sir. Barely had I seen the Mother when I forgot everything, because of the influence of an indescribable Divine Power and prayed only for knowledge and devotion. What to do now? The Master said: Stupid boy, couldn’t you control yourself a little and do that prayer?Go again if you can and tell Her these words.Quick!I went for the third time,but as soon as I entered the temple I got a huge sense of shame about me I thought what a petty petty thing I wanted to come and ask Mother! It is as the Master says, like the folly of asking a king who has received his grace, for gourds and pumpkins. Ah! How low is my intelect! Overcome with shame and disgust, I bowed down before her and said: “I want nothing else, Mother. Only grant me divine knowledge and devotion.” When I came out of the temple, it occurred to me that it was surely the Master’s play. How else was it that I could not pronounce the words to pray three times? Then I insisted that he bring my mothers and brothers freedom from the burden of lack of food and clothing.” Surely you intoxicated me in that way. “He said to me lovingly, “My child, I can never say such a prayer for anyone. It really doesn’t come out of my mouth. You will get, I told you, from Mother. whatever you want. But you could take her there. don’t ask for it. You are not meant for worldly happiness. What. I can do? I said, “That is not enough, sir. You must say the prayer for me. It is my firm conviction that they will be free from all suffering if you just say so.” As I insisted, he said, okay —- they will never lack simple food and clothing. ”
Ramakrishna dedicated me to Her ( Divine Mother ) . And I believe that she guides me in every little thing that I do and does exactly what she wants to do with me. Yet I fought for so long. I loved the man. ( Sri Ramakrishna ) . and that stopped me. I thought he was the purest man I’d ever seen, and I know he’s from. me. like my father and mother who had not the strength to do so.
RAMAKRISHNA WAS MIJ TOEGEWIJD
is a Vedantist since three decades. Her life is Mother, Ramakrishna and Swamiji. She is a student of the lives of the Master, Mother and Swamiji and the Gospel of Sri Ramakrishna.
is een vedantist sinds drie decennia. Haar leven is Moeder, Ramakrishna en Swamiji. Ze bestudeert de levens van de Meester, Moeder en Swamiji en het evangelie van Sri Ramakrishna.